This will be a super duper uber long post! So if you're getting bored reading this, I understand. Sorry for the long absence.

Life as you all know is unfair and cruel. I don't quite like my life from young and to this point of time. I never had a great childhood, not to say that I was being abusive or anything. It's just when I hear my friends share their childhood stories, I will be like amazed by how many things they did back then. Before hormones start to develop in my body, I always thought of dying. Cause from what i learnt religiously, if a child was to die before producing sperms or eggs they would go straight to heaven. So at that point of time I so called prayed to God to take my life. I always heard family stories, stories of what my family did before i was born. Cause after a few years I was born, my parents so called always quarrel. So at that period, I always thought of myself as a cursed child. Almost every night I would cry to sleep. But of course with the presence of my friends and cousins. They made me happy.

This situation went on till I was at lower sec but it lessened. Cause I found great friends in my secondary school. Enemies became friends. And not forgetting this particular friend I have. We only went out only once but have been friends for almost 5 years now. Hahaha! She has helped me a lot during those days. We practically share everything. She's so called my online friend. To think back those were the kental days. Thank you YURNI HIKMAH BTE YASIN! Shall meet up soon ok?

During lower sec I began to see what I must have in myself. It's patience and perseverance. That's both my strength and weakness. Strength - to keep me going with life. & weakness - people tend to take advantage of me cause I'm patient. I don't why all of this starts to run through my mind when I'm going to bed. When I'm all alone and can't sleep. But the next day when I'm awake, I'm all better and ready to go out there. Yurni said that I'm an optimistic person. Meaning of optimistic - hopeful and confident about the future. I'm still confuse and still don't think that I'm an optimistic person. Friends, what do you think?

I don't know and scared what will happen to me when one fine day I just break down and evolve into a beast. Cause just now sister actually poured a handful of water at me to get me up. At that moment, I just want to get up and beat her up really bad. I did a semi beating to my brother once this year. But I quickly came to my senses and calmed down. He actually punched the wall and got his knuckles hurt. I think over the years I learn how to keep things inside so much that I manage to control it inside.

Oh and I think I really need to buy stuffs using my own money. Cause my mum has this habit of asking back her things when she's scolding. Cause everyday I sleep late and use laptop and wake up late. So she said I'm going to take back the laptop. I think I wanna buy my own laptop. I already got my own phone and line which I'm paying. Oh and not forgetting her all time favourite habit! She likes to compare me with my sister and brother. Ok my sister is 33 and my brother is 29 this year. See the age gap! So many things actually happen during those year you know mum!!!

Behind this wide smile, lies a very troubled guy who needs help. I just need to let it all out. So this is my only source. That's all I've got to say for now. Trust me this feeling will return. Thanks for reading this whoever.

I would like to thank my friends for being my friends and cousins for being the best cousins ever and not forgetting my ex/friend! Thanks RIMAH, ZEE, LYNN, FAD, YURNI, IQAH, NAQIAH, AQASHAH, TQI, AENN & EZA and last but not least NORSHAFILAH.

Ok had fun and a great time going out raye with Rimah's HA friends on last Saturday. They are indeed friendly people. Senang kate kaki gerek ah semue! As usual I'm so ultimately shy at first but by the second or third house I'm beginning to click with them. I'm lazy to upload pics. Wanna look at the pics just go to Rimah's blog or her friend's. Sadly I can't follow them for the second time cause my sister wants to treat mother and family at swensens. So have to go. Family first. *doing the hmmmmm face* 

So there's like a few days till O levels. I'm kinda freaking out cause I don't have facts in my head yet! But I've been going to the library though. 2 days already. Last Sunday and today (Tuesday). & I'll be there often. Like realllyyyyy often. Some facts are of course in my head already but there's alot more to be stuffed inside my head! Risa said I looked different In pics and in reality which I think is nonsense. But at the same time i also thinks that she looks different. Hahaha! I favourite Diy's house. Very nice and proper in place. Hahaha! Especially the mini chandelier! So the WOW! And the mother's kari was superb. Sampai tambah. So much for dieting Halis! Oh speaking of dieting, I feel that I've gained a ton after raye-ing. And suddenly I feel like going for waxing! HAHAHA! Crazy huh? But true :D

Alright see ya people soon. Will be busy with studying and shits. So do mind the long absent *peace* !

Within a week this things happen.
- Mum did operation without family members consent.
- Throw away my broken sofa bed :D
- Back pain. ( Baik ready)

I would like to wish my dad a happy birthday! Wish you all the best in health and wealth :D
&& I'll try my very best to pass o levels so that your expensive tuition money won't fly by like that.
Oh and I need more money please..... 
Thank you.

Weekends were spent at home studying. Started fasting nicely. Went to terawih. Lucky got syarahan, so did the normal 8 raakat. Today, Sunday, my cousins all came to my house to break fast together. Since they have not visit my mum since she had came back from the hospital. So it's a 2 in 1 thing. Maybe Wednesday will be accompanying Rimah shopping. OHH! I GOT A BLOODY C5 FOR MY MALAY! ORAL AS USUAL MERIT! I'm retaking it of course!
&& I WANT TO GO BEYONCE CONCERT!!! LIKE REALLY BADLY!!!
To all the muslim people, HAPPY FASTING :D
To whom it may concern, don't tipu fasting ahh!! HAHAHA!
Ok I'm done blogging. See you guys soon!

My whole back hurt like fucking a lot! After jogging the other day, that night itself suddenly my back hurts. I cannot look down. Not even buckling my belt. My sister said it might be a case of muscle stretch. It hurts until I have no appetite to eat at all. Really cannot tahan! My dearest cousin had already cracked my back but it felt ok just for a moment. This morning the pain came back so i decided not to go to school and I think I won't be going anywhere for the next 3 days of weekends.  So saddddddd :'(  Oh God! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, something unexpected happened in my physics class. There was a fight which involved a guy and 2 girls. The guy and one of the girl are an item. I don't know what caused the fight actually even though I was in the class. Hahaha! So the things that are used and destroyed are table, chair, mineral bottle, umbrella, broken nails, hair extensions, pencil box, scissors and a lil bit of blood. After which the police came with an ambulance. I heard 3 of them got suspended for 3 days. The funny part was all of us sat in our seat with jaw dropping when the fight started. Then our physics teacher shouted "You guys don't know how to help to stop the fight is it? Seat there! Please lah do the right thing". It was chaos are just now. For the people who didn't come, you missed the action man!